


If I Can't Love Her

by NekoAbi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Based off of the song of the same name, First shippy Deceit attempt, M/M, Sympathetic Deceit, from Beauty and the Beast musical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-23 18:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18707644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoAbi/pseuds/NekoAbi
Summary: Roman hears a new singing voice and finds it enchanting, especially due to the strong emotion behind the words. He needs to follow it, to find out who it is.





	If I Can't Love Her

Humming to himself, Roman jumped past the final step on the staircase that led down from his room into the main living space of the mindscape. He’d been having a very productive day and was in such high spirits, so he decided to give himself a break in order to grab a drink and maybe something to snack on.

He was only half way through filling up a glass with water when a familiar sounding tune reached his ears and distracted him. Roman knew immediately it was the big final number of the first act of the Beauty and the Beast stage musical. But why would someone else have been listening to that?

Then an unfamiliar sounding singing voice began to sing.

_"And in my twisted face_   
_There's not the slightest trace_   
_Of anything that even hints of kindness”_

Roman placed the glass down and followed the sound. There was something so perfect about the deep sound, it was as if he was being pulled along to its source.

_“And from my tortured shape_   
_No comfort, no escape_   
_I see, but deep within is utter blindness.”_

Something about the raw emotion made Roman feel the need to swallow hard. It was almost causing him to well up with tears, himself, and he was just experiencing the sound.

_“Hopeless_   
_As my dream dies_   
_As the time flies_   
_Love a lost illusion”_

The princely trait stopped dead. He’d followed the sound to a door, a door none of them really interacted with unless they had to. Something was drawing him in, coaxing him to reach for the door handle. But… should he really go in? Was that really a good idea…? The voice continued, seemingly unaware that Roman was even outside the door.

_“Helpless_   
_Unforgiven_   
_Cold and driven_   
_To this sad conclusion”_

All of a sudden, Roman was overtaken with a need to see if this was real, to see if he was really experiencing what he was thinking. Quickly and silently as he could, Roman pushed open the door and slipped inside. It clicked shut behind him, as he stared towards the occupant of the room with his mouth slightly open in awe.

_“No beauty could move me_   
_No goodness improve me_   
_No power on earth, if I can't love her”_

Roman would have never guessed that Deceit would have had not only such an enchanting voice, but also such emotional prowess. It was almost as if he were truly singing from the depths of his heart, as if this were a personal matter that he was trying to share with the world. It was truly a sight to witness.

_“No passion could reach me_   
_No lesson could teach me_   
_How I could have loved her and make her love me too_   
_If I can't love her, then who?”_

The creative side still didn’t move. He didn’t want to interrupt the other, though a part of him yearned to reach for Deceit when the trait sat down with slumped shoulders on the end of the mattress. It almost hurt, seeing the usually sly and confident side in such despair. But Roman forced himself to stay in the shadow of the door until the song was over, a choice he silently praised himself for as Deceit raised his head to continue singing, almost as if he had an invisible audience before him.

_“Long ago I should have seen_   
_All the things I could have been_   
_Careless and unthinking, I moved onward”_

Roman’s jaw dropped a little more as, during the crescendo of the music, the deceptive trait stood and clambered to stand on the bed. From the very limited amount of his face Roman could see, Deceit seemed to be gritting his teeth and looking extremely hurt yet determined. This was also coupled with clenched fists, and what looked to be tears beginning to well up in the one snake-like eye he was able to see. His voice was louder now, along with the instrumental, as if he needed someone to hear.

_“No pain could be deeper_   
_No life could be cheaper_   
_No point anymore, if I can't love her”_

Now Roman could really see the tears, as Deceit threw his head around dramatically with the song. His eyes were closed tight, his entire body began to shake, and his fists tightened as he threw his arms wide. It almost stopped Roman’s breath right then and there. The emotion was overwhelming; the sadness and despair, the hopelessness and frustration. It was practically palpable.

_“No spirit could win me_   
_No hope left within me_   
_Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free_   
_But it's not to be_   
_If I can't love her_   
_Let the world be done with me.”_

Roman was only able to release the breath he’d taken in once the final note was over. It was something that he’d obviously been able to achieve, but he couldn’t even recall a time where he’d performed with such emotion and vulnerability. He was as still as a statue, trying to catch his breath as the next song in the soundtrack began.

Deceit carefully lowered himself back to the floor, his body heaving slightly from both the sustained note but also from the supressed silent sobs that were still rolling through his body. It was only now that Roman made his presence known.

“That was impressive.” He spoke softly, taking a couple of steps further into the room.

The deceptive trait whirled around, his eyes wide in fear and surprise. Clearly he’d not been expecting a real audience of any kind. He quickly scraped at his face, attempting to be rid of the tears. “I… I didn’t think anyone would… hear that.” His eyes were darting around the room, almost as if he were trying to look for an escape route.

Roman perched himself on the side of the mattress with a soft snort, “Now, that I cannot even begin to believe. You were projecting perfectly, like a true performer.”

“No, I was not.” Deceit muttered, crossing his arms. Roman noted mentally that the other trait looked just like a petulant teen who’d been caught doing something they were embarrassed about. He was then reminded of a moment where Virgil had looked the exact same, as he’d been caught doing something similar. The creative side couldn’t help a small laugh at the thought, which seemed to frustrate Deceit.

“What do you want?” He hissed low, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Roman only smiled softly, “I want to know how you did that.”

Deceit hit the side that the music player was sat on. He’d flinched back in surprise, “You… what?” He’d truly expected the other to laugh at him, fling a few insults and then leave. That was what they all did, so why would now have been any different.

“I wanted to know how you made it so powerful, Deceit.” Roman elaborated. “It was so… alluring. I had to follow the sound and find where it was coming from. You had such a strong connection, it was as if I could not take my eyes away from you for a second as you performed. Which is why I want to know how you managed to put so much into that song. What made you feel so strongly?”

The deceptive side avoided Roman’s gaze, finding the prince was almost too bright for him to look at. He muttered his response, “It was nothing. I don’t find this song relatable in any context to me.”

A moment of silence stretched between them. Deceit kept his gaze away from Roman, while Roman continued to stare at Deceit. Slowly, the prince rose and took very gentle steps towards the other. “Deceit… I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

When Roman’s hands rested on his shoulders, Deceit tensed up. This wasn’t what he’d planned. Far from it. All he wanted was to vent with a song he resonated with and go about his day, but instead he was here, having to deal with all this. He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat before he spoke again, “I have no idea what you mean, Roman.”

A gentle breath of laughter puffed across his cheek, which made Deceit almost shiver at the feeling. “Let me help you.” Roman said with confidence.

Deceit’s head snapped up finally to look at the creative trait with confusion and disbelief, “Help with what?”

“Love, of course! Who else would be qualified to help you with your happily ever after than I?” Roman grinned, preening slightly as his own given compliment.

If he could have turned any shade of red, Deceit was sure that he’d have turned the brightest red imaginable. “I don’t need help with that. I don’t love anyone.”

Roman then laughed with his head thrown back, “Of course, Deceit. So, who is it? Let me guess. Patton? Or maybe Logan, something about that fiery passion between the two of you? Oh! No! It’s a love-hate with you and Virgil, that must be it! Yes, I can see it now! So perf-”

“STOP! IT’S YOU!” Deceit shouted, his eyes shut tight and his hands over his ears. One came down to clamp over his mouth after. He couldn’t stand to listen to Roman try and figure out who it was, all of those options just made his stomach churn. All of them hated him, they despised him, how on earth could he ever _love_ them!?

Roman’s arms quickly loosened from Deceit’s shoulders, almost falling from their perch at the shock. But then he laughed and clapped one of them, “That was a good one, Deceit. Very funny. But really, I think you cou-” The creative side’s rambles were cut off before he could begin when Deceit’s trembling hand came up to grasp the wrist of the arm that was still resting on his shoulder.

“Please stop… Just… please…”

The deceptive trait’s voice was shaking, it was soft and vulnerable. His head was down, making it completely impossible for Roman to see his face from this angle. Roman had never seen him like this, and it seemed to scare him. “You… Oh..” It clicked into place. “I’m sorry, I… seemed to have gotten carried away.”

Roman dropped down onto a knee in order to look at Deceit’s face, and the sight of the tears dripping to the floor below was gut-wrenching, yet Roman continued on, “If you’ll allow me, I think I can make it up to you…”

After finally looking into his eyes once more, Deceit spoke again, his voice even quieter, “How?”

“Easy.” The creative side stood and reached around for the music. He scrolled the soundtrack until he found what he wanted and pressed play. The introduction to Something There began; Roman taking on Belle’s initial lines. He held a hand to Deceit, who’d finally raised his head and was watching him with what could only be described as a tentative hopefulness. As he reached out and loosely grasped the outstretched hand, Roman smiled warmly, “How about you be the Beast to my Belle?”


End file.
